


Remind Me to Forget

by swiftkryptonian



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 08:14:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15020405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swiftkryptonian/pseuds/swiftkryptonian
Summary: Kang Seulgi is used to living with a broken heart since she fell in love with the unattainable Bae Joohyun, her best friend Son Seungwan's girlfriend. Everything changes when Seungwan falls into a coma and Seulgi finally gets a chance with Joohyun. Then everything changes again when Seungwan wakes up three years later.





	1. Chapter 1

_“Seungwan!”_

 

_“Miss, please move. We need to get her to the hospital.”_

 

_“I’m going with her!”_

 

_“Ma’am, please calm down -”_

 

_“Seungwan, please wake up!”_

 

_“Joohyun!”_

 

_“Seulgi, she’s -”_

 

_“I know. I know. But you need to calm down, okay? Let them do their job.”_

 

_“_ _Seungwan_ _… this is all my fault …”_

 

_“No, it’s not. Come on, Joohyun.”_

 

_“It’s my fault, Seulgi.”_

 

_“I got you. I got you.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

The bar is unusually crowded tonight. The place is mostly filled by people in dark formal suits drowning themselves in booze to forget about their long day. But tonight, there is a good number of twenty-something girls that occupied all the seats in front, drooling over a certain female singer with powerful angelic vocals that matches her adorably charming face. Perhaps at least one-third of the customers. The rest of the audience are over the moon for Moonbyul, the long silver-haired cajon player beside the singer.

 

Behind the counter of the bar, the bartender Joohyun - a short yet intimidatingly beautiful dark-haired woman - watches the singer perform on the small stage. She sings with such passion as she strums an old acoustic guitar.

 

"One more song, Rowoon!" one of the girls in the front row requests.

 

"What do you like?" The singer asks, smiling.

 

"Sing your original song!" Another girl shouts.

 

Rowoon chuckles, "Ah, but then you guys won't sing along because you don't know the song."

 

Then a chant of "Sing your song! Sing your song!" led by a drunken stranger in the back fills the bar.

 

"If the people insist who am I to resist?" the singer laughs before plucking her guitar. She meets the eyes of the cajon player beside her as if asking whether they're thinking of the same song or not. Moonbyul gives her a thumbs up. The singer takes it as her cue.

 

"Stuck on you, by your side, yeah," the singer starts and fills the bar with beautiful vocals.

 

It’s impossible not to be captivated by Rowoon. Joohyun almost getting yelled at by an angry customer because he’s been asking for a drink for the third time is an evidence of that. The bartender apologizes to the customer and the man only huffs and takes his drink.

 

“Damn, you’re whipped, sis.” A younger blonde bartender states as she looks at Joohyun with a knowing smirk.

 

Joohyun rolls her eyes at the younger girl. “Shut up, Yerim.”

 

“What? She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?”

 

Joohyun ignores that and gets back to serving drinks to the customers.

 

The bar closes at exactly midnight. Joohyun, Yerim and the bar owner, Yongsun, are in-charge of the cleaning.  It must be a lucky night for Joohyun and Yerim because unlike the usual, they don’t have to clean up pukes or kick drunk customers out before closing time tonight. Meanwhile, Moonbyul and Rowoon arrange the tables and chairs.

 

When the singer spots Joohyun wiping the bar counter, she decides to approach her. A soft smile on her face. “So … how did I do tonight?” the singer asks sheepishly, obviously asking for a compliment.

 

Without looking up to her, the bartender answers, “You know you always do great, Miss Rowoon.”

 

“It’s Seulgi for you.” The singer leans forward, chin resting on her hand and looking at her with irresistible puppy eyes.

 

Joohyun gives in and says, “You’re a great singer, Seulgi.”

 

“Then why can’t you say that to my face?” Rowoon - _Seulgi_ \- pouts.

 

“A customer almost yelled at her because she’s too enthralled by your voice,” Yerim calmly says, popping out just behind Seulgi. “Now stop flirting on my counter, oldies.”

 

“Yah! What did you say?” Seulgi chases the younger girl until she catches her on chokehold but Yerim, with all the power vested in her by Satan, turns her back and retaliates by armlock. The younger girl doesn’t let go until Seulgi taps on the table three times. “You’re a demon, Kim Yerim!”

 

“A powerful one!” Yerim sticks out her tongue.

 

They finish cleaning up at 1am. Yongsun calls them out for a short meeting, thanking them for their service tonight before splitting the income the bar received for the night. Yongsun, as an owner of the place, owns the highest percentage of the money. Seulgi and Moonbyul come next then Joohyun and Yerim.

 

“Thanks, Yong,” Joohyun tells her friend upon receiving her share for the night. It’s not much but it pays the bills at least. “See you tomorrow.”

 

Yongsun smiles cheekily. “See you tomorrow, Joo.”

 

Joohyun is gathering her things when she feels Seulgi’s strong arms wrap around her waist from behind and her girlfriend’s chin resting on her shoulder. “Let’s go home?” she asks.

 

She leans back a little in agreement. “Let’s go home.”

 

“I love you,” Seulgi whispers, arms tightening.

 

Joohyun turns around to meet Seulgi’s eyes. “I love you too. You already know that.”

 

“It doesn’t hurt to hear it over and over again.”

 

“Are you sure? Because if I were you I’d be tired of hearing that from some of the drunk girls - _your fangirls_ \- here tonight.” The bartender says with an arched brow.

 

“First of all, they’re not you.” Seulgi pecks Joohyun’s lips before adding with a smirk, “And second, are you jealous, Miss Bae?”

 

“You wish,” Joohyun flicks the taller girl’s forehead. Seulgi fakes an _ouch_ in response. “Get your stuff and let’s go home.”

 

The two bid their goodbyes to Yongsun and Byulyi, who were the last to leave. Yerim has already left before them.

 

This is their nightly routine. They walk home; Joohyun’s hand clings onto Seulgi’s arm as they do. Seulgi carrying her guitar on her back and Joohyun with a shoulder bag. The two women stop by a convenience store to buy cheap cup noodles, which Joohyun insists is unhealthy but Seulgi always uses the puppy eyes that makes her girlfriend unable to resist her. Joohyun, left with no choice, eats with her anyway.

 

“So …” Joohyun starts as the two of them wait for their food to be ready. “The song you played tonight, did you write it?”

 

“Yeah, it’s an old one though.” Seulgi turns to Irene, “Did you like it?”

 

“It’s beautiful. How come you never played it to me before?”

 

Seulgi shrugs, “It’s an old song. I didn’t think you’d like it.”

 

“I like every song you write, Seul.” Joohyun smiles. “When did you write that one?”

 

Seulgi’s smile falters a little. The song isn’t exactly sad but she remembers writing it in a hallway of the university while simultaneously trying not to choke on her own tears. “I wrote _Candy_ back in college when I realized I’m in love with you.” The singer pauses, briefly distracted by the cup noodles in front of her, then continues, “You were still with _her_ that time.”

 

The sadness in her voice is enough for Joohyun to not ask further. Instead, she takes the younger girl’s hand and squeezes it gently. “I love the song and I love you,” Joohyun presses a kiss on Seulgi’s cheek.

 

Seulgi collapses on the sofa the second they return to their little apartment. Joohyun sits on the arm of the couch and taps Seulgi’s thigh. “I’m going to bed. Are you joining me or … ?”

 

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Seulgi says.

 

Joohyun heads to their bedroom. Seulgi stays in the couch for a while, scribbling something on a piece of a paper and humming incoherently. She hides it in her guitar bag once she finishes.

 

Seulgi opens the bedroom door and can’t help the smile forming on her face when finds Joohyun fast asleep on the right side of their bed, hugging a purple bunny plushie that she gave her during their first anniversary. She carefully slips in on her side of the bed and covers the blanket over them.

 

“Good night, beautiful.” Seulgi whispers softly against the sleeping girl’s ear and presses a kiss on her head. “I love you.”

 

Joohyun groans sleepily then turns around to face Seulgi, still hugging the plushie as if her life depended on it. The older girl mumbles something that sounds quite like _love_ _you too_ before she’s back to sleeping soundly.

 

Kang Seulgi doesn’t ask for more. Why would she? When all she needs is right beside her and can perfectly fit right in her arms.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Joohyun and Seulgi wake up to the sound of Joohyun’s ringtone echoing in the living room.

 

“Hyun, pick that up.” Seulgi groans in annoyance and buries her head under the pillow. Joohyun, in her still sleep-induced state, tries her best to not stumble.

 

“Hello, this is Bae Joohyun,” she answers with her system still half asleep.

 

“Good morning, Miss Bae. Is this a bad time?”

 

Of course, it’s a bad time. She still should be sleeping and cuddling with her girlfriend. But it’s not polite to snap like that so she says, “No, it’s fine. Who’s this?”

 

“Oh, this is Park Sooyoung from SNUH. Miss Son Seungwan’s nurse. You know, the tall and pretty one.” The nurse swears she hears a scoff. “Anyway, ma’am, can you drop by here today?”

 

That makes Joohyun sit up straight, an obvious sign of worry on her face. “Is Seungwan okay?” she asks.

 

“She’s fine, Miss Bae. Miss Son is awake.” Suddenly, every sleepy nerve in Joohyun’s system jolts awake. Her heart starts to race, both panic and excitement coursing through her veins. The nurse adds, “... and she’s asking for you.”

 

“I … I’ll be there,” Joohyun stammers. “Tell her I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome, ma’am.” The nurse hangs up.

 

_Oh, god. Oh, god._

 

Joohyun paces back and forth, hands trembling as she grasps her phone, tempted to throw the thing away and pretend that the recent conversation did not just happen.

 

Joohyun would be lying if she says she thought this moment will never come because of course, she thought about it. Waited for it, in fact. But now that the day is here … she’s not quite sure what to do about it.

 

For the first year that Seungwan has been in a coma, Joohyun has done nothing but think about Seungwan waking up. Joohyun wondered if Seungwan would have been a renowned artist by then if the accident did not happen. For sure Seungwan would have already made her and her family proud.

 

For about a year and a half, Joohyun did nothing but dwell on her loneliness, on how she missed Seungwan’s smile, how Seungwan made her laugh, how Seungwan cringes at the mere thought of having to do an _aegyo_ , or how Seungwan sings for her every night until her voice fills Joohyun’s dreams.

 

Well, that is until Seulgi came into the picture and everything changed.

 

“Joohyun-ah!” Seulgi calls from their room.

 

“In a sec,” she answers.

 

The older girl paces back and forth some more. Jumping up and down, waggling her hands to loosen up a little. Then Joohyun stops when she hears Seulgi yawning and stretching. She grimaces at the cracking sounds of the younger girl’s joints.

 

“Babe?” Seulgi calls groggily, leaning against the doorframe. Joohyun stops on her tracks. “Is there something wrong?” Joohyun remains frozen to where she stands, eyes looking down. Seulgi moves closer to her, sliding her hand up and down her arm and Joohyun jolts. “Hyun, what’s wrong? Who called?”

 

Joohyun sighs before looking Seulgi in the eyes. “A nurse from SNUH called,” she says almost inaudibly. “Seungwan is awake.”

 

Seulgi’s eyes widen in disbelief.

 

“Seul, she’s awake.” Joohyun quietly repeats with obvious worry in her voice, eyes glistening with tears that threaten to fall.

 

Seungwan is awake. Joohyun’s girlfriend is awake. Seulgi’s best friend is awake.

 

Joohyun rarely doesn’t know what to do. She has always been the logical one, the voice of reason, the one person anyone can count on. But now she’s lost.

 

“Seul, I don’t know what to do,” Joohyun admits weakly.

 

Seulgi stares at her with an aching heart. How she wishes she could take away the worry and fear that are evident in her girlfriend’s face. So the younger girl envelopes Joohyun in a tight hug, wishing it will be enough - that _she_ will be enough - to be Joohyun’s rock at this moment.

 

“We’ll figure it,” Seulgi assures her. “We’ll figure it out together. We always do, Hyun.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

_It’s Seulgi and_ _Seungwan’s_ _first day as university students. They both plan on majoring in music. Although both of their families are pretty much against it. Seulgi understands why her parents don’t want her to do music but she doesn’t understand why Mr. and Mrs. Son would be against Seungwan when she’s the most musically inclined person she knows. And unlike the Kang’s, the Son’s can actually afford the tuition._

 

_“Seulgi!” Seulgi stops abruptly upon hearing her name. A familiar black sedan stops in front of her. The windows roll down, revealing her best friend waving at her. “You’re going to the university, aren’t you?” Seulgi nods. “Get in!” Seungwan opens the door for her._

 

_Seungwan can sense that Seulgi is about to insist, that it’s not a long walk from home to the university. But before that could happen, Seungwan gets out of the car and gently pushes her inside._

 

_“Mr. Lee, we can go now,” Seungwan says to the driver and he obliges. The younger - by eleven days - girl turns to Seulgi. “You should’ve told me you’re going to uni at this time too so you won’t have to walk.”_

 

_“Walking is nice though,” Seulgi says. “It’s an exercise.”_

 

_“Yeah, but it’s so hot. You're going to look like a tanned exhausted bear if you keep walking without using an umbrella in this kind of weather.”_

 

_Seulgi can’t argue with that. She’s already sweating too much and it’s been barely five minutes from home._

 

_“We have the same schedule, right?” Seulgi nods. “We should stick together then.”_

 

_“You’ll get sick of me.”_

 

_“I’m already sick of you,” Seungwan jokes. “But it’s for the best. We’ll make some other friends but until then you and I will be socially awkward together.” Seungwan wraps her arm around Seulgi’s._

 

_Seulgi has known Seungwan since they were little._ _Seungwan’s_ _family moved in the big house - the most expensive one in their neighborhood - right next to the Kang’s. Back then, they are both pigtails-obsessed seven-year-olds with_ _toothache_ _every other day. And even though her family came from a higher class, Seungwan never treated Seulgi any different or less._

 

_Sometimes Seulgi wonders how come she’s friends with someone so out of her league._

 

_The car halts on the front gates of the university. Seungwan and Seulgi thank the driver for the ride before getting out of the car._

 

_“Are you nervous?” Seungwan takes notice of the way Seulgi rubs her sweaty palms against her jeans. “You are going to be fine, Seul.”_

 

_“Are you not nervous?”_

 

_“I am,” Seungwan answers calmly. “But I’m not alone. I have you with me.”_

 

_Knowing that she won’t be alone somehow makes Seulgi feel at ease._

 

_“Shall we go?”_

 

_“Let’s go.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

The first thing Park Sooyoung sees when she reached the second floor of the hospital is the commotion outside room 221, the first room that appears in sight when the elevator opens. She doesn’t see medical professionals but patients from the neighboring rooms, onlookers and a couple of people from hospital cleaning staff.

 

“Excuse me,” Sooyoung irritably says, fighting her way against the people who blocked almost the entire hallway. She wants to curse all these people but she refrains from doing so in case a superior passes by.

 

“Mr. Yang, what’s the ruckus about?” Sooyoung asks the old janitor - someone she had befriended during her night shifts - when she finally gets to the other side after a few minutes. “What are you all waiting for?”

 

“Oh, Nurse Joy, the coma patient is awake!” The man excitedly replies.

 

Sooyoung’s eyes widen in surprise, mouth slightly forming an “o”. She has known about the infamous coma patient since she started working in the hospital two years ago and made rounds with Dr. Kwon and Dr. Jung a few times over the past two years. Sooyoung would lie if she denies that she had thought the patient is already hopeless.

 

“Park!” The chief nurse, Kim Taeyeon, calls. Sooyoung immediately runs to the nurse station.

 

“Yes, Nurse Kim?”

 

“Park, make a call to Miss Bae Joohyun. Tell her patient from 221 is asking for her.” Taeyeon hands her over the patient’s medical record. “I need to beat some nosy asses first,” the superior says before heading to the commotion. The next thing Sooyoung hears is Taeyeon’s guess-who’s-in-charge-damn-right-I-am voice echoing the hallway and footsteps disseminating quickly.

 

The young nurse dials a number from the patient’s profile.

 

Sooyoung is not oblivious. She’s not stupid either. She has been working in this hospital long enough to memorize the long-term patients and if the nurse isn’t mistaken, Bae Joohyun is the patient’s girlfriend before the accident happened. She has visited “221”, a nickname the nurses have given the patient, every day during her first few months since she started working in the hospital. Those frequent visits became less and less as the months passed by until Bae Joohyun only visits once or twice a month now. And she usually goes with a taller woman with dark wavy hair and chapped bangs. Sooyoung thinks the taller woman is Bae Joohyun’s new girlfriend judging by the way they link arms and look at each other. It’s unethical to assume about patient’s lives so the nurse just keeps her suspicions to herself.

 

Her call gets answered a few seconds later. “Hello, this is Bae Joohyun.” the woman on the other line says groggily.

 

“Good morning, Miss Bae. Is this a bad time?”

 

“No, it’s fine. Who’s this?”

 

“Oh, this is Park Sooyoung from SNUH. Miss Son Seungwan’s nurse. You know, the tall and pretty one,” the nurse sheepishly replies, earning a scoff from Bae Joohyun. She ignores it. “Anyway, ma’am can you drop by here today?”

 

“Is Seungwan okay?”

 

“She’s fine, Miss Bae. Miss Son is awake … and she’s asking for you.”

 

There’s a short pause before Miss Bae says, “I … I’ll be there. Tell her I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome, ma’am.” Sooyoung hangs up and takes a seat.

 

 _It’s going to be an interesting shift_ , she thinks to herself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

In more than a year that they have been together, Seulgi has learned many things about Joohyun and there is one habit of the older girl’s that she has always been aware of. When Joohyun gets nervous, she gets calmer than usual, sometimes too calm to the point that she’s even careful about sighing. She avoids eye contact as much as possible and doesn’t talk at all. Joohyun will just nod or shake her head as a response.

 

So Seulgi takes Joohyun’s hand when they reach the hospital. The older girl’s hand is cold and trembling and Seulgi rubs each of her hand between hers in order to warm them up.

 

“It’s going to be okay, Hyun.” Seulgi assures her.

 

Joohyun doesn’t speak instead she buries her head on Seulgi’s chest and hugs the younger woman tightly. Seulgi wraps her arms around Joohyun in return, still whispering words of comfort and reassurance to her.

 

“Miss Bae?” A nurse calls causing Joohyun to quickly pull away from Seulgi’s embrace. “Hi, I’m Nurse Park. I was the one who called you earlier.”

 

“Ah, yes … hi,” Joohyun bows a little. “How is Seungwan?”

 

“I think it would be better if you talk to Miss Son’s doctor about that. She’s right this way,” the nurse motions them to follow her. Joohyun and Seulgi are brought to the nurse’s station where the doctor - a tall woman with brown wavy hair - is ordering the chief nurse of the medications and therapies Seungwan needs to have.

 

“Doctor Jung,” Sooyoung calls. “Miss Bae is here.”

 

Joohyun courteously bows to the doctor. Seulgi does, too.

 

The doctor finalizes her orders then approaches the two. “Hi, I’m Dr. Jessica Jung.” She shakes both of the visitors’ hands. “Dr. Kwon can’t come today because of personal matters so I’ll be taking over. No need to worry though I’ve been watching the patient with her over the years.”

 

“How is she?” Joohyun asks worriedly.

 

“Miss Son has finally woken up yesterday. And according to her GCS results, eye opening response is spontaneous, the patient responds to questions but there may be some confusion and disorientation which is normal and might I say impressive for Miss Son considering how long she’s been in a coma and for the motor response … Miss Son responds to pain but we will still have to work on getting her to do physical therapy sessions.”

 

“Does she know that … uhm … she’s been in a coma for a long time?” Seulgi asks.

 

“Yes, and she’s still very much overwhelmed and confused so I need you to take it easy on her. No shocking news that might cause an extreme or possibly violent reaction from Miss Son.”

 

“Can we see her now?”

 

“Of course, but one at a time. We don’t want to overwhelm her.”

 

Joohyun glances at Seulgi and the younger girl nods in approval. “I’ll go first.”

 

“Sure, ma’am. Follow me.”

 

Seulgi waits by the nurse station as Joohyun follows Dr. Jung to Seungwan’s room. She notices a nurse - Sooyoung - curiously eyeing her and Seulgi forces an awkward smile.

 

“Is any of her family members in there?” Joohyun asks when they reach the door to Seungwan’s room.

 

“Her sister just left actually,” Dr. Jung answers. “Tiffany Hwang?”

 

“Ah, her stepsister,” Joohyun mumbles to herself.

 

Dr. Jung quietly twists the doorknob. “Good morning, Miss Son.” The doctor greets cheerfully. Seungwan is sitting on her bed, eyebrows knit together and quietly watching the television.

 

“Morning, Dr. Jung.” Seungwan greets back, smiling. And Joohyun has to hit her chest to stop her heart from beating so fast upon hearing her voice.

 

“You have a visitor today,” she motions Joohyun to come in.

 

Joohyun takes a few heavy steps inside Seungwan’s familiar room. She has seen this four walls a hundred times before, spent days and nights in this quiet space with boredom and misery as her company. It’s always been so white and lifeless. But with Seungwan finally awake and with a big smile on her face, the room doesn’t look and feel so dull anymore.

 

“Hi,” is the only thing that Joohyun could mutter.

 

Seungwan is thinner and paler than the last time Joohyun visited. Her hair is longer, already past her waistline. The scar on the right side of her forehead remains painfully visible and so are the suture marks on her arms.

 

Two things still shine as bright though. Seungwan’s eyes and smile.

 

“Joohyun,” Seungwan beams.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Seungwan is in awe._

 

_She and Seulgi are attending the university’s annual concert-for-a-cause composed of the university’s biggest clubs - the dance troupe, the choir, and the drama club. Seungwan has bought five tickets, three of which are for her family and two for her and Seulgi. Unfortunately for Seungwan, her parents and stepsister are already committed to their schedules so she freely gives the three tickets to random people she met in class._

 

_And Seungwan doesn’t regret attending this concert. Particularly because of a petite blonde dancer with a godly visual, probably the best visual she’s ever laid her eyes on._

 

_The blonde stands out among the group. Her movements flow in a remarkable grace and take away the breath of every person in the audience. Her entire being moved with a determined clarity. With each careful step, swing, and spin she makes, it became more painfully obvious how much heart the blonde put into this performance. She dances like it’s the only freedom she knows; perhaps a bird in flight._

 

_Everyone claps after the performance. Seungwan and Seulgi both don’t care if they’re sitting in front and the only ones giving them a standing ovation._

 

_“Seulgi, I think I’m in love,” Seungwan says dreamily, settling back on her seat._

 

_Seulgi smiles._

 

_“I have to know her name!” She shrieks, causing a couple of ‘shush’ from the people at the back. Seungwan is quick to apologize. “I have to know the blonde dancer’s name.”_

 

_“Bae Joohyun.”_

 

_“Huh?”_

 

_“Her name is Bae Joohyun.”_

 

_Seungwan’s_ _eyes widen in surprise. “You know her?”_

 

_“She’s in my music theory class. She’s quite popular with the girls.”_

 

_“Really? You have to introduce me!”_

 

_Seulgi huffs, “We’re not close. I haven’t even spoken to her yet.”_

 

_“You will and you have to introduce me. Please, please, please, please, please, please -”_

 

_Seulgi rolls her eyes at Seungwan who is pouting like a desperate puppy. “Fine. I’ll try.”_

 

_“You’re the best, Seul!” Seungwan gives her a side hug._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dr. Jung leaves the room to give Joohyun and Seungwan privacy and Joohyun wishes she hadn’t because she’s pretty sure she needs someone - _anyone_ \- to tell her what to do next.

 

“You can come closer, you know. I won’t bite.” Seungwan gestures her to take the unoccupied chair next to her bed. Joohyun slowly walks towards her side and sits. “How are you, Joohyun?”

 

“I should be asking you that,” the older girl says. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Well, my legs are numb and I feel like I’ve time-traveled three years into the future.” Seungwan chuckles. But Joohyun remains quietly anxious and staring at her. “Is something wrong?”

 

Joohyun shakes her head, blinking away the tears that are threatening to break free.

 

“I’m sorry,” Seungwan says.

 

Joohyun looks at her with confused eyes. “For what?”

 

“For not being more careful. For missing our date. For worrying you.”

 

“Forget about it. I just want you to get better, Seungwan.”

 

Silence.

 

“It’s been three years,” Seungwan looks down at her hands. “Three years is a long time, Joohyun.”

 

“It is,” Joohyun agrees. They both don't speak for a while and maybe the silence speaks volumes and it’s suddenly deafening and much scarier than thunderstorms and fireworks combined because Joohyun’s eyes are starting to well up again. She tries to blink back the tears but the first tear breaks free and the rest follows like an endless stream until Joohyun is sobbing helplessly and Seungwan is gently wiping the tears away.

 

“Hey,” Seungwan whispers. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay now, Joohyun.”

 

Joohyun badly wishes that it’s true. But it’s not. And she’s completely lost at this point.

 

Seungwan meets Joohyun’s glimmering eyes. Joohyun holds her hand and presses it against her tear stained cheek. “I missed you,” the older girl whispers. “I missed you so much, Seungwan.”

 

“You have no idea how much I missed you, Joohyun.”

 

Joohyun doesn’t say anything for a minute. She concentrates on her breathing, trying to get it back to a steady rhythm and fight back the anxiety building up in her chest. She shouldn’t be holding Seungwan’s hand and not want to let go. She shouldn’t want to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much she missed and how much she’s missed by her, by their friends, by Seulgi -

 

_Seulgi._

 

Her girlfriend.

 

Seungwan’s best friend.

 

_Seulgi. Seulgi. Seulgi._

 

She abruptly lets go of Seungwan’s hand.

 

“I - I’m sorry.” Whether she means it for Seungwan or Seulgi or to herself, Joohyun is not sure.

 

“We can talk some other time if you have to go.”

 

“That will be great. I will come back,” Joohyun promises. “I just … I need … I need some time to process and think and -”

 

“I get that. Take your time. It’s not like I can go anywhere.” Seungwan sighs. “I’ll be waiting.”

 

Joohyun wishes she won’t. She wishes that Seungwan isn’t the most patient person she knows. And Joohyun hates herself for always making her wait. Because none of this would’ve happened if she didn’t always make Seungwan wait.

 

The older girl smiles affectionately and leans forward to give Seungwan a lingering kiss on the forehead. “I’m so happy that you’re back, Seungwan.”

 

“Thank you for coming to visit me today.”

 

“I’d do anything for you,” Joohyun gives her hand gentle squeeze. “Anything for you, Seungwan.” She gives her one last look and heads towards the door.

 

“Joohyun!” Seungwan calls before Joohyun shuts the door close. She pauses. “You look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you.”

 

The older girl blushes and rolls her eyes at the compliment. “Rest well, Seungwan.”

 

Seungwan playfully shoots Joohyun her signature wink and finger guns move.

 

And in that brief moment, it feels like nothing has changed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Seulgi is leaning against the wall at the end of the hallway and singing along to a slow pop song playing through her earphones. The singer is so caught up in the song that she didn’t even realize Joohyun is standing inches away and fondly staring at her with folded arms.

 

Seulgi quickly takes out her earphones. “Hey,” she smiles broadly. “How did it go?”

 

“It’s good,” Joohyun answers simply. “Are you going to see her?”

 

Seulgi shrugs, “I … I don’t know if I’m ready, to be honest.”

 

The raven-haired rubs Seulgi’s arms in a comforting gentle motion. “You don’t have to,” she says. “I didn’t tell her that I came here with you so …”

 

“I want to … I just …”

 

“You feel guilty,” Joohyun supplies.

 

“Yeah, that.”

 

“I do, too.”

 

Seulgi reaches for Joohyun’s hands. She firmly holds them, rubbing circles on both of her palms, a habit Seulgi developed when she gets apprehensive around her girlfriend. “You don’t regret it though, right? You don’t regret this, being with me? You don't regret me?” The sadness in her voice is enough to break Joohyun’s heart in half. “Please don’t leave me, Joohyun. Don’t leave me.”

 

Seulgi doesn’t care if she sounded desperate because she is. She’s desperate and scared and worried that Joohyun will be out of her reach soon, just like before. And she will be back to being the second best next to her best friend again, just like it always had been in the past.

 

“Hey, shush,” Joohyun stands on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around Seulgi’s neck. “I won’t leave you.”

 

“I love you,” Seulgi murmurs against the shorter girl’s neck. She tightens her arms around Joohyun’s waist, pulling her closer. “I love you.”

 

“I love you, Seulgi. I won’t leave you.”

 

“Stay with me.”

 

“I will, I will.”

 

In a distance, Nurse Sooyoung cautiously watches the two lovers. She shakes her head then sighs heavily. “Love is complicated,” she murmurs to herself before turning around and finding another route back to the nurse station.


	3. Chapter 3

_“I’ll be there in ten, okay?” Joohyun says over the phone, smiling brightly. “I love you.”_

 

_“I’ll wait outside so you can easily see me,” says Seungwan from the other line. “And I love you too, shorty.”_

 

_“Yah! Don’t call me shorty! You’re shorter than me.” Joohyun protests with a pout._

 

_Seungwan giggles, “Alright, alright. Come here quick, okay?”_

 

_“I’ll try my best. Bye, baby.” Joohyun ends the call. She quickly packs her things and runs to the locker room to change outfits._

 

_The practice gets extended as usual. It shouldn’t surprise Joohyun anymore and at this point, she should schedule her dates with Seungwan two hours later than the designated end time of the dance troupe’s practice._

 

_Joohyun is in such a rush that she doesn’t notice a tall stature walking towards her direction and bumps to the said tall stature causing her gym bag to drop on the floor along with her phone and wallet. Joohyun almost falls on her ass too if the girl didn’t swiftly catch her by the waist._

 

_“I’m sorry,” the tall girl says softly._

 

_Joohyun stands on her feet. “It’s my fault. I wasn’t looking,” she says. Then she looks up to see a familiar face. “Seulgi, it’s you!”_

 

_The taller girl’s face turns red and snatches her hand back to her side. “U -_ _unnie_ _, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was you.” Seulgi picks up Joohyun’s phone and wallet and hands it over to the older girl. She helps her carry her gym bag, too. “Are you going somewhere?”_

 

_Joohyun glances at the clock. “Yeah, actually. I’m going to meet Seungwan.”_

 

_“I can take you there if you want,” Seulgi offers. “I mean, I don’t have a car but I can carry this bag for you. It’s heavy.”_

 

_“That would be great. Thank you.”_

 

_They take a walk outside the university. Seulgi carrying Joohyun’s bag for her as she anxiously glances on her phone every thirty seconds._

 

_“Is something wrong,_ _unnie_ _?”_

 

_“Just … Seungwan is not replying to my texts.”_

 

_“She probably has her phone on silent,” Seulgi concludes. “She always has her phone on silent when she’s out. She’s embarrassed_ _by_ _her ringtone.”_

 

_Joohyun chuckles, “Don’t remind me. We went_ _to_ _this ice cream shop last week and her phone rang and everybody was suddenly jamming to Barbie Girl.”_

 

_The younger girl throws her head back laughing. “I can’t even imagine the secondhand embarrassment.”_

 

_“I pretended to read the menu until the song ends.”_

 

_Seulgi shakes her head, still laughing. “You’re cute,_ _unnie_ _.” Joohyun arches an eyebrow at that. “I mean, you must have been … you know … pretending to read that … thing … not like you’re not cute all the time but -”_

 

_Joohyun lets out a loud laugh and playfully hits Seulgi’s arm. “Relax. Your face is as red as your sweater now.” The younger girl looks down in embarrassment, trying to hide her face. “Aigoo, don’t be embarrassed. Not to brag but people say that a lot to me, anyway. Some in ways I don’t appreciate though.” Joohyun lifts her chin, making the flustered girl’s eyes meet hers. “But I appreciate yours, Seulgi.”_

 

_Seulgi swallows nervously. She quickly breaks eye contact because one more second that she stares_ _into_ _Joohyun’s eyes, she’s dead for sure._

 

_“Seungwan is waiting,” Seulgi says and hails a taxi for both of them._

 

_Joohyun - and now Seulgi, too - will meet Seungwan in a famous cafe in Gangnam. Seulgi is mostly quiet during the ride and Joohyun keeps dialing_ _Seungwan’s_ _number but to no avail._

 

_There is a commotion in front of the cafe causing Joohyun and Seulgi to stop the taxi a block away. The older girl insisted on paying the fare since she caused Seulgi the trouble of coming with her._

 

_“What’s happening?” Seulgi curiously asks, tiptoeing over the crowd of people as they walk towards the cafe. “Is there a celebrity?”_

 

_Seulgi’s question is answered by an ambulance siren blaring to the scene followed by police sirens. She watches as Joohyun runs rapidly, pushing past the people in front of her. Seulgi, clueless and worried,_ _runs_ _after the short girl._

 

_Blood. Wrecked car. A girl in a black floral dress tainted with blood. Light brown hair also tainted with blood. Broken specs. And more blood._

 

_Joohyun collapses on her knees._

 

_“Seungwan!”_

  
_“Miss, please move. We need to get her to the hospital.”_   
  


_“I’m going with her!”_

 

_“Ma’am, please calm down -”_   
  


_“Seungwan, please wake up!”_   
  


_“Joohyun!”_   
  


_“Seulgi, she’s -”_   
  


_“I know. I know. But you need to calm down, okay? Let them do their job.”_   
  


_“_ _Seungwan_ _… this is all my fault …”_   
  


_“No, it’s not. Come on, Joohyun.”_   
  


_“It’s my fault, Seulgi.”_   
  


_“I got you. I got you.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Joohyun wakes up earlier than usual. She slides out of bed, careful not to wake Seulgi up. She heads to the kitchen and starts to play an R&B song from her phone before preparing a meal.

 

It takes Joohyun approximately an hour to finish cooking and packing a meal in a lunch box. And if Seulgi didn’t wake up because of the music playing in the kitchen and a missing other half on their bed, she definitely wakes up for the smell of food.

 

“Why are you up early?” Seulgi yawns and stretches. She approaches Joohyun in the kitchen and hugs her from the back. She buries her face on her girlfriend’s neck and mumbles sleepily, “Good morning.”

 

“Good morning,” Joohyun says. “I’m going to visit Seungwan today so I prepared a little something for her and us.”

 

Seulgi loosens her embrace on her girlfriend. Joohyun, even without looking, knows the sudden change in Seulgi’s expression. She turns around to face the younger one.

 

“Seulgi,” Joohyun tugs on Seulgi’s shirt. “I thought we already talked about this.”

 

“We did. It’s fine.” Seulgi forces two slices of kimbap on her mouth.

 

“Do you want to come with me?”

 

Seulgi shakes her head, still chewing the food.

 

“Babe,” Joohyun coos, hand still tugging the end of her girlfriend’s shirt. “Come on, don’t be like this.”

 

“I’m not being anything,” Seulgi defensively says before attempting to munch down another slice of kimbap but Joohyun speedily gets a grip on her hand. “Let me eat.”

 

“Seulgi, please.” Joohyun tries her best to persuade her with her doe eyes.

 

And Seulgi really hates how she can’t resist them. “Fine,” she sighs in defeat.

 

“You don’t need to be jealous of Seungwan, okay? Not anymore. I choose you.”

 

“You choose me now but later -”

 

“Kang Seulgi, I choose you and that’s it.”

 

Seulgi has dealt with jealousy all her life that she’s already an expert at it. The only thing missing is an award or a title.

 

She was jealous of her best friend’s wealth and how she can have anything in a snap of her fingers. She was jealous of the Son family’s trip overseas every summer when she’s stuck working two jobs. She was jealous that her best friend was chosen as the main vocalist back in college even though she practiced twice as hard as her. She was jealous of how Seungwan got the girl even though she met Joohyun first and loved her first.

 

Seungwan has always been the perfect one who always gets what she wants so how could she not be jealous?

 

Joohyun caresses her face and Seulgi holds her hand against her cheek, feeling the softness of her palm. Maybe it’s enough to calm the storm in her head for now.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Joohyun and Seulgi simultaneously stop in their tracks.

 

“And you have the audacity to bring that traitor with you.”

 

“Unnie,” Joohyun pleads.

 

“Don’t call me unnie.”

 

“Tiffany-ssi,” Joohyun tries again. “We’re just here to visit Seungwan. I promised her yesterday that I’ll be back.”

 

Tiffany folds her arms, leaning against the doorframe. “Did you promise her that you’ll be back with a snake too?”

 

“I know you’re angry but please let’s not do this here.”

 

“What? Suddenly embarrassed by your affair?”

 

Seulgi steps in, “That’s enough, unnie.”

 

“Ah, Precious Innocent Kang getting brave, I see. She must be teaching you a lot, huh?”

 

“We’re not here for you so if you could just please let us pass and see Seungwan.”

 

But before Tiffany could even speak, the door opens and Mr. and Mrs. Son come out of the room. Whatever she’s going to say next, Tiffany swallows it down.

 

“Joohyun, Seulgi,” Mrs. Son greets them with a smile. “Wan will be so thrilled to see you both. She was just asking about you two.”

 

Joohyun meets Tiffany’s eyes and the older girl shakes her head minimally as if warning her not to say anything.

 

“Unfortunately, darlings, we have to go but we hope we’ll see you soon? Preferably when our Wan is out of the hospital.”

 

“That would be great, Mr. Son.” Seulgi replies.

 

The two earns a tap on the shoulder from the two elderly. Joohyun doesn’t even realize she was holding her breath until they passed by. Tiffany, on the other hand, doesn’t follow them yet. She’s still blocking the doorway, staring down at Joohyun and Seulgi.

 

“If you hurt her again, I’ll make both of your lives miserable,” Tiffany says without hesitation before letting them pass. Joohyun enters the room first. Seulgi waits a second.

 

“Jokes on you,” Seulgi says with a smirk. “Our lives are already miserable.”

 

“Maybe it’s what you both deserve.”

 

“Maybe,” the younger girl forces an eye smile just to spite Tiffany. “Nice seeing you again, Fany-unnie.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Seulgi-ah!” Seungwan almost jumps from her bed and into Seulgi’s arms. Joohyun has to hold her back in fear that the girl might hurt herself. So Seulgi makes the effort get close to her. She sits beside her best friend and let herself be squished by Seungwan’s loving arms. “I miss you, my human teddy bear!”

 

“I missed you too, chipmunk.”

 

“I’m so happy you brought her with you, Joohyun!”

 

“I figured you might want to see her.”

 

“Come here,” she signals Joohyun to come closer and she obeys. Seungwan embraces them both. “My two favorite girls are here!”

 

“Yah, Seungwan, I can’t breathe.” Seulgi taps jokingly on the bed. Seungwan lets both of them go but the radiant smile doesn’t leave her face.

 

“I can’t wait to be out of this place and go out with you guys again. What’s it like outside?”

 

Seulgi squints, tapping her chin. “Let’s see … there’s pollution, loud noises -”

 

Joohyun smacks the back of Seulgi’s head. “We’ll take you out once you get discharged.”

 

“So you need to heal faster, Wan. We have a lot to catch up on.” Seulgi encourages.

 

Seungwan shifts in her seat. “We can start now,” the patient excitedly says, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. “How are you? Did you graduate college already? Do you have jobs?”

 

Seulgi briefly looks at Joohyun before answering, “I dropped out actually.”

 

Seungwan’s smile immediately falters. “Why?”

 

“I lost my scholarship and I needed to work so …” Her voice trails off and she shrugs.

 

“Oh, that’s …” Seungwan has no words so she rubs the back of her best friend’s hand instead.

 

“I still sing though.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, I do gigs in this bar that my friend owns. I have fans sometimes.”

 

“You’re just flirting with the girls, aren’t you?”

 

Seulgi pouts and fakes a mildly offended expression. “I have a girlfriend whom I love very much, actually.” And with that Joohyun coughs rather loudly.

 

“What? You?"

 

"Why? Is it so hard to believe?"

 

"I need to meet this girlfriend of yours then.”

 

Joohyun’s coughing turns into almost choking on air.

 

“Are you alright, Joohyun?” Seungwan asks.

 

“I - I’m fine,” she replies, secretly shooting a glare on Seulgi’s way.

 

Then Seungwan’s attention goes to Joohyun, “How about you, Joohyun? What's up with you?”

 

“Oh … I, uh, I graduated … but I don’t really dance anymore.”

 

“Huh? I thought you wanted to be a choreographer. You wanted to work for the Big 3 companies.”

 

“Change of plans,” The oldest of the three simply answers.

 

“I really missed a lot,” Seungwan utters sadly.

 

“Hey, don’t be sad! You’ll catch up!” Seulgi gently squeezes her into a side hug. “Unnie made the best kimbap and you’re not getting any until you turn that frown upside down.”

 

Where would Seungwan even start catching up? When? How?

 

It’s a second chance at life for Seungwan and she should be grateful for it. And she is. But somehow she feels misplaced in time; she’s three years forward without recollection of the past three years of her life except falling into an abyss for too long.

 

Joohyun leans forward, bringing her hands on both sides of Seungwan’s cheeks. Her fingers lift up the side of her lips, turning the frown into a smile herself.

 

Meanwhile, Seulgi’s smile turns upside down.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yongsun snaps a finger centimeters away from Joohyun’s face. The bartender blinks and snaps out of her little world. “You’re spacing out again,” Yongsun states. “What’s wrong, Joo?”

 

“Nothing,” she answers without a second thought. “Sorry.”

 

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

 

“Y - yeah, it’s just … I’m not ready.”

 

“Okay,” Yongsun doesn’t push. “Just know that I’m here when you need a talk. I know I’m your boss but I’m your friend as well.”

 

“Thank you, Yong. I appreciate it.”

 

The bartender gets back to work, mixing drinks for the new customers with Yerim’s assistance.

 

The bar is not as packed as it is during Friday nights and weekends which is great for everyone except for their pockets. But Joohyun, in particular, is grateful that she doesn’t have to mix a drink and serve food every two minutes.

 

“Did you and Seulgi-unnie have a fight?” Yerim asks when the counter is finally free of customers.

 

“No, why?”

 

“You two just have that look on your face.”

 

“What look?”

 

“Like you had a fight, duh.”

 

“We didn’t fight.”

 

“Then explain why is the setlist for tonight all sad songs? ‘ _Skinny Love_ ’ is basically the national heartbreak anthem.”

 

“We’re fine, Yerim.”

 

“If you say so,” Yerim shrugs.

 

Joohyun watches Seulgi singing on the small stage of the bar. The singer glances at her and the bartender gives her a small smile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Sooyoung walks on the hallway of the second floor of the hospital, greeting and smiling at the patients and visitors she passes by. She’s holding a small tray of lined up medicines in one hand while simultaneously pushing a blood pressure monitor with stand on the other hand. She knocks on the infamous room 221 before twisting the doorknob and pulling the monitor inside.

 

“Good evening, Miss Son.” Sooyoung greets gleefully. She puts down the tray on the patient’s bedside table and stabilizes the monitor on the same side.

 

Seungwan takes off her eyes from the television and looks at the tall nurse. “Hi,” Seungwan softly says.

 

“It’s good to finally meet you. I’m Sooyoung, your nurse for tonight until tomorrow. You can call me Joy because that’s what I want to give my patients.”

 

Seungwan knits her brows together. She wonders if this girl really is a nurse or a disguised aspiring politician campaigning for an upcoming election.

 

“Do we know each other?”

 

“Not really but I’ve been your nurse for about two years now. It feels like you should know me more than I know you because I do all the talking and you do all the listening.” The nurse chuckles and Seungwan looks at her with big confused eyes. “We’ll talk about that next time,” Sooyoung brushes the topic off and proceeds to check Seungwan’s vital signs.

 

“Is it time for the meds?” Seungwan asks, cringing already at the thought of drinking another batch of tablets with an unpleasant taste.

 

“Yes, it is.” Sooyoung prepares a glass of water. She watches Seungwan as she drinks the three colored tablets from the tray one by one.

 

“Have a good night, sunbaenim.” The nurse’s lips stretch into a smile that reaches her eyes. It instantly transforms the nurse from someone uncanny to someone Seungwan wishes she knew.

 

Perhaps the name Joy suits her.

 

Seungwan smiles back.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_Park Sooyoung prides herself on being confident. She easily fits in and makes new friends without difficulty. It must be because of her bubbly personality but one might argue that it’s her smile and how it radiates light better than the sun itself. Hence why she is nicknamed Joy by many people she met._

 

_But the first month is always the hardest. It takes a lot of adjustment, of getting to know her co-workers, the hospital policies, and protocols. Somehow, being the best intern during college - which she got an award for - didn’t prepare her for any of this._

 

_Kim Taeyeon, the chief nurse and her superior, scares the hell out of her. She looks at Sooyoung like she’s ready to turn her nickname Joy into something like Sorrow or Misery._

 

_Taeyeon hands over five patient’s charts to Park Chaeyoung, a fellow nurse, and commands Chaeyoung to make rounds and explain Sooyoung the details to every patient in the chart for her first night shift._

 

_“Is she always scary?” Sooyoung asks as they scurry on the quiet hallway._

 

_Chaeyoung shrugs, “It just depends on her mood, I guess.”_

 

_“She’s always in an unhappy mood then.”_

 

_“I’m really sorry you had to cover for Lisa’s shift tonight,” Chaeyoung apologizes. “You haven’t gotten any sleep since yesterday.”_

 

_“It’s alright. It’s not like I have anything to do at home anyway.”_

 

_“But still … you should get some rest.”_

 

_“The longest I’ve gotten without sleep is three days so one day without sleep is a piece of cake. Don’t worry.” Sooyoung chuckles._

 

_Chaeyoung frowns at that._

 

_The two nurses enter the first room. A middle-aged man attached to a mechanical ventilator due to respiratory failure. The second patient is a 65-year-old woman who is currently recovering from a heart attack._

 

_Chaeyoung passes her the third chart. “This one is the famous 221,” she says before opening the door to room 221._

 

_There lies an unconscious young woman attached to a ventilator and a pulse oximeter on a finger. She’s alarmingly thin and pale. Her hair is neatly parted in half, black with light brown ends._

 

_Sooyoung reads the patient’s chart. Her name is Son_ _Seungwan_ _. She’s born on February 21, 1994. She’s 23 years old. A car accident survivor (barely)._

 

_“Miss Son has been here for about a year and a half now,” Chaeyoung tells her, melancholy in her tone. “She was involved in a car accident, waiting for her girlfriend to arrive in a cafe and then a drunken driver swerves into the other lane to avoid a truck. Then the driver lost control and hit her.”_

 

_Sooyoung feels a tug in her chest. “What happened to the driver?”_

 

_“Oh, he’s already dead when they brought him here.”_

 

_“And she’s stuck here?”_

 

_The younger nurse nods. “She’s stuck here until she wakes up.”_

 

_“But it’s been almost two years …”_

 

_“Do you believe in miracles,_ _unnie_ _?” Sooyoung arches an eyebrow. “If you don’t, you have to. At least, for her. Because that’s what she needs the most.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

The apartment is unusually quiet at 8 in the morning. There’s no music playing on the living room, no sound of humming along to music and most importantly there are no utensils clattering in the kitchen.

 

And Joohyun’s side of the bed is empty.

 

“Babe?” Seulgi calls all over the apartment but there’s no answer.

 

Until she finds a note on the kitchen counter: _I’m grocery shopping. Be back in a few. - BJH_

 

Seulgi finally exhales the breath she didn’t even realize she was holding.

 

Joohyun is not gone. Joohyun didn’t leave her.

 

_Yet._

 

Seulgi should really stop worrying. She should. She just doesn’t know how.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Joohyun takes a deep breath. There shouldn’t be too much anxiety bubbling up in her stomach just because she needs to open a damn door.

 

One more deep breath.

 

Joohyun finally opens the door to Seungwan’s room and the first thing she sees is a pretty nurse sitting on the end of the bed. She’s cracking a joke that Joohyun doesn’t really get but it made Seungwan laugh out loud and the newcomer can’t help her heart from racing upon hearing the sound.

 

“Hey,” Seungwan greets with a big smile on her face. “I didn’t think you’d come this early.”

 

“Well, you called early so …”

 

“I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

 

“No, not really. I’m not getting much sleep, anyway.” Joohyun turns to the nurse. “Hi, Nurse Park.” She bows her head.

 

The nurse politely bows her head, too. “Good morning, Miss Bae.”

 

“Miss Bae sounds so fancy,” Seungwan giggles.

 

“Just call me Joohyun,” she insists with an eye roll.

 

“Joohyun-sunbaenim?”

 

“Just Joohyun would be fine.”

 

“Okay … just Joohyun,” Sooyoung smirks. The nurse looks at Seungwan and gently taps her leg. “Since your company is here already, I’m going to go and make rounds. Have a good day, Miss Son." The nurse shakes her head with a smile and corrects herself, "Seungwan.”

 

“Thank you, Joy.” Seungwan beams at the nurse, watching her leave the room.

 

Joohyun sits on the empty chair near the bed. “So, good morning.”

 

“Good morning,” Seungwan replies. “Did you have breakfast already?”

 

“I’m not yet hungry.”

 

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” Seungwan reminds her. “Do you want me to order food for you?”

 

Joohyun shakes her head. “I’m fine.”

 

“If you say so then,” Seungwan shrugs. “Are you busy?”

 

“Not really. But I need to be back at my apartment before noon.”

 

“Oh,” Disappointment lacing on Seungwan’s tone. “You - you don’t have to be here if you’re busy.”

 

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not really busy. Just … I have to do something in my apartment but I still have time for you.”

 

Seungwan sits up on her bed. “It's just … I want to talk.”

 

“About what?”

 

“We haven’t talked about our situation. I mean, us. Our relationship.”

 

Joohyun scratches the back of her head, suddenly more anxious than she originally was before coming to the hospital.

 

“Joohyun, I know it’s been three years but I don’t know what we are now. Time may have passed by but my feelings for you haven’t changed. I still love you. I don’t even know if you still want to be with me but we haven’t really had a proper breakup and maybe you’ve moved on and found someone new -”

 

Joohyun takes her hand and squeezes it lightly. “You’re rambling, Wan.”

 

Seungwan pauses and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Our situation is not in the life manual, huh?”

 

“No, it’s not.” The younger girl runs a hand through Joohyun’s hair and caresses her cheek. “D - do you have … did you move on?” Seungwan asks, not sure if she actually wants to know the answer. But she has to ask, at least.

 

Silence.

 

Joohyun swallows nervously, heart beating rapidly.

 

“Seu - Seungwan, I …” she stammers.

 

“You can tell me the truth. I … I can take it.” Seungwan pleads, heartbreak and despair coating every word and teary eyes begging for nothing but the truth.

 

And suddenly everything comes in overdrive.

 

Old memories of Seungwan mixing with Seulgi’s new ones. Their waves of laughter and smiles and cries. Every joke and story they had told her. Every glance and stare and touch and kiss. The way Seungwan holds her hand, the way Seulgi’s arm links with her. Every _I love you_ ’s, _I’m sorry_ ’s and _Stay with me_ ’s.

 

Joohyun does a quick debate in her head – a really subtle one.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Pain is Seulgi’s constant companion. Pain is always there for her, never left her side, never left her alone._

 

_Pain is watching Seungwan lying in a hospital bed, attached to a machine. She's unconscious and stained by stitches and bruises._

 

_Pain is watching Joohyun suffer from guilt and heartbreak as she watches her girlfriend from the glass window of the intensive care unit._

 

_Seulgi places a hand on Joohyun’s shoulder. “She’s going to be alright,” Seulgi tries to be as convincing as possible. But it’s already been a month and there’s still no sign of improvement from her best friend. But if she doesn’t stay positive, who will? “She’s a fighter. That little hamster is a fighter.” She chuckles._

 

_Joohyun rests her head on Seulgi’s chest, still looking helplessly at_ _Seungwan_ _._

 

_“If only I had got there faster and_ _earlier,_ _if only I didn’t make her wait -”_

 

_“Unnie,” the younger girl interrupts. She’s not letting her blame herself. Not again. “It’s not your fault. It’s not. So, please stop blaming yourself.”_

 

_“But -”_

 

_“I got you,” Seulgi reminds her, patting the older girl’s head._

 

_Joohyun wraps an arm around her waist, snuggling closer to her. “Thank you, Seulgi.”_

 

_“Always,” Seulgi promises._

 

_If Pain comes with Joohyun wrapped up in her arms, then maybe Seulgi can take more of it. Pain can stay._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Joohyun comes home a little later with five plastic bags of groceries on one hand and keys on the other. She unlocks the door and finds Seulgi hugging her guitar while writing on the couch.

 

“Hyun!” She excitedly puts down the pen and her guitar and quickly makes her way to the kitchen island where her girlfriend is setting down the bag of groceries.

 

“Hi, Seul,” Joohyun pecks her girlfriend’s cheek. “Did you have breakfast?”

 

“I wasn’t hungry,” the younger tells her. “It’s almost noon, anyway. What took you so long?”

 

“Ah, just traffic.”

 

“You should have woken me up. I would have gone with you.”

 

“And risk spending our entire budget with Pringles you sneaked in the cart?” Joohyun arches an eyebrow and smirks. “Nope, thank you.”

 

Seulgi pouts. “You’re mean today.”

 

Joohyun kisses the pout on her lips. “I’ll make lunch,” She tells her with a gentle pat on the cheek before wiping the lipstick stain she left on the side of Seulgi’s mouth. “Go back to composing.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Seulgi?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I love you.”

 

Seulgi’s heart skips a beat. Like it's the first time she heard Joohyun say those three words.

 

And suddenly, all the worries seem to have faded away.

 

Seulgi’s hands unexpectedly drift to Joohyun’s hip and pull her close. The younger girl inhales sharply before knocking the air out of Joohyun’s lungs with a slam of her lips on hers. The older girl gasps. The kiss starts hurriedly with a fiery passion, sending shivers down Joohyun’s spine. But it’s still soft, gentle and intoxicating and she feels the butterflies - _fireworks_ \- on her stomach growing stronger.

 

It’s only supposed to be a brief kiss, maybe an intense makeout session, but Seulgi carries Joohyun to the bedroom in a record speed and the next thing Joohyun feels is the attack of warm lips on her neck and soft hands roaming her body.

 

Lunch - _the food kind_ \- can wait.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Later that afternoon, Joohyun and Seulgi arrive at the bar. They see Byulyi tickling Yongsun’s sides while pecking her neck. And behind the counter stands Yerim who rolls her eyes at the greasy pair who won’t stop the PDA.

 

“Thank god, you’re here!” Yerim says in relief. “My favorite non-PDA couple!” She hugs the two newcomers.

 

“Yah! I pay you!” Yongsun protests, still enveloped in Byul’s embrace.

 

“Yes, but you also give me mental trauma because of your PDAs! I’m just a child!”

 

“You’re twenty-two!”

 

“I’m a five-year-old trapped in this body, what can I do?”

 

Joohyun chuckles and drags Yerim back to their place. Byulyi finally lets Yongsun go to set up the stage with Seulgi. But, of course, not before giving the bar owner a kiss that she’ll not forget soon enough.

 

“Yeri, can I talk to you?”

 

“Sure, unnie. Is it serious?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Yerim takes a deep breath, mumbling incoherent words to herself that sound like a cultish prayer. Then five seconds later, she snaps her fingers.

 

Joohyun stares at the young girl with a bewildered expression.

 

“Sorry, that was me calling Serious Yeri.”

 

Joohyun raises her eyebrows, looking genuinely scared and worried at the same time. But instead of getting distracted by Yerim’s oddness, she just shakes her head and requests the young girl to follow her on the bar kitchen.

 

“I need an advice,” Joohyun says.

 

“An advice? From me?”

 

“I’m skeptical about you but contrary to popular belief, you’re one of the few people I really trust, Kim Yerim.”

 

“I’m offended but also touched and honored.”

 

“Anyway, uh … it’s about Seulgi.”

 

Yerim’s eyes grow wide in excitement. “Are you finally going to propose!? Oh my god!”

 

“Yah!” Joohyun quickly covers Yerim’s mouth. “I’m not going to propose!”

 

The young girl snatches Joohyun’s hand away from her mouth. “Then what the fuck is this about?” Joohyun flicks a finger on the young one’s mouth for saying a bad word. Yerim apologizes quickly. “So what’s this about, unnie?”

 

“Do you remember Seungwan?”

 

“Seulgi-unnie’s best friend and your ex-girlfriend who’s in a coma?”

 

Joohyun nods. “Well, she’s not in a coma now.”

 

“She’s dead?” Yerim gasps and the older bartender hits her arm. “Ouch!”

 

“Seungwan is awake. She’s alive.”

 

“What?!”

 

“She’s been awake since last week.”

 

“Oh … that explains.”

 

“Explains what?”

 

“Why Seulgi looks heartbroken and why you look conflicted.”

 

“I’m not conflicted,” Joohyun insists and Yerim frowns at that. “I just … I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

 

“Why would you hurt anyone?”

 

“Be - because … I …”

 

“Don’t tell me you’re still in love with Seungwan, unnie.”

 

_Is she?_

 

She couldn’t possibly be. It’s been already three years; half of which she spent mourning a comatose person and blaming herself over and over while the other half was spent moving on and building a new life. It’s not a crime that Seulgi was there, that she was _always_ there, for her.

 

“I don’t know,” Joohyun sighs in defeat. “I don’t know, Yerim.”

 

“But you love Seulgi-unnie, right?”

 

“Of course, I do.”

 

“Then what’s the problem?”

 

“I visited Seungwan this morning and we talked about us. She says she still loves me and she asked if I moved on and -”

 

“What did you tell her?”

 

Joohyun runs a hand through her hair in frustration. “I can’t hurt her, Yerim.”

 

“I think you’re not supposed to be talking this with me, unnie.” Yerim says honestly. “You’re supposed to be talking about this with Seulgi-unnie.”

 

“She’s right,” a familiar voice cuts in, making both Joohyun and Yerim turn their heads on the intruder.

 

Joohyun closes her eyes for a second and wishes for the ground to just swallow her already.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Time flies by in a blink of an eye. Sooyoung has been working in the hospital for six months now and her day shift just ended. She changes into a casual attire before going home because wearing a blood-stained uniform in public is not something that everyone would appreciate anyway._

 

_She says goodbye to her friends at the nurse station, and yes, even to Taeyeon who doesn’t scare her much anymore._

 

_Sooyoung walks in the empty hallway. She’s about to get in the elevator when a piece of confetti outside room 221 catches her attention. The nurse opens the door and sees balloons floating all over the room and colorful confetti on the floor. A glittery HAPPY BIRTHDAY cardboard decoration hanging right above the headboard. There are a variety of flowers on the table, too._

 

_“Hello, Miss Son,” Sooyoung smiles merrily at the motionless patient. “It’s been two years for you now, huh?”_

 

_The nurse tugs on one of the balloons strings. She smiles and looks at the patient again. “Happy birthday, Miss Son. Keep hanging in there, okay?” She strokes_ _Seungwan’s_ _forearm. “Even if your girlfriend has moved on already, I’m pretty sure you’ll have more reasons to live.”_

 

_Sooyoung fills the room with the sound of her voice, singing happy birthday to_ _Seungwan_ _._

 

_The nurse sleeps with a smile on her face when she gets home a little later that night._

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

_When Joohyun moved to Seoul, she has no one. She doesn’t even know why she’s here. Of course, it’s because of the full scholarship she unexpectedly got in this prestigious university. The girl auditioned, took an entrance exam and got the highest possible grade hence how she got an instant scholarship. But somehow, Joohyun isn’t really sure why she left Daegu - her comfort zone, her safe place, her home._

 

_Being the eldest, she has to think of the greater good. Even if the greater good means leaving home and family behind to pursue her dreams and earn a good amount of money so she can give her single mother_ _and_ _two younger sisters a more comfortable life._

 

_“I’m going to miss you,_ _unnie_ _,” Shuhua, her youngest sister, clings to her arm._

 

_Joohyun pats her youngest sister’s head. “I’m going to miss you too._ _Now,_ _look after this idiot,” Joohyun tugs Jisoo, her younger sister, with her other hand. “Tell me if she causes trouble and headache and I’ll come running back to Daegu.”_

 

_Jisoo scoffs, “I’m not the one who almost eloped with her boyfriend.” That earns an immediate slap on the back of the head. “Unnie! Why are you always violent?!”_

 

_“Yah! I told you I didn’t plan to elope! It’s not eloping when he’s the only one who packed up his things and_ _planned_ _to live in the mountains.”_

 

_“Just what kind of weird guys do you associate yourself with,_ _unnie_ _?” Shuhua chuckles._

 

_“We all learn from our mistakes,” Joohyun says._

 

_“True. Men are mistakes.” Jisoo says and high fives with the youngest. Joohyun only rolls her eyes, hoping it is enough to stop the tears impending to fall. God, she will miss these two so much._

 

_With one last group hug, Joohyun says goodbye to both of her sisters. Rest assured that they will not forget her reminders and that Joohyun will call them every night. The last thing Joohyun sees before boarding the train is Shuhua sobbing on Jisoo’s arms as the older rubs her back in order to comfort her._

 

_It doesn’t break Joohyun’s heart though. It just made her more determined._

 

 

 

_It took approximately two hours to get to Seoul._

 

 

 

_And another hour for Joohyun to find the dorm she’s going to live in._

 

_The dorm is satisfactory. It’s not small but not huge either. It’s just an average space with two rooms across each other, one cramped living room, a bathroom and a kitchen. The whole place is good enough for two - one being her and one whoever her roommate is going to be._

 

_“Helloooooo!” A loud voice startles Joohyun from her seat. A girl with straight dark brown hair comes into sight. She’s dragging two suitcases inside the apartment. Joohyun approaches her to help. “Thank you - oh my god! You’re so pretty!”_

 

_Joohyun blushes and politely bows. “Thank you. I’m Bae Joohyun. You must be my roommate?”_

 

_The newcomer nods eagerly and shakes her hand. “I’m Kim Yongsun,” she says with the biggest smile. The bright and welcoming personality of her roommate instantly draws Joohyun in. “I’m born in 1991.”_

 

_“Me too,” Joohyun replies._

 

_“No need to call you_ _unnie_ _then.”_

 

_“Joohyun would be just fine.”_

 

_“How about Joo?”_

 

_“That would be fine too.”_

 

_“You can call me Yong in return.”_

 

_“Okay, Yong.”_

 

_“It’s nice to meet you, Joo.” Yongsun takes Joohyun’s hand for another handshake. “So which one’s your room and which one’s mine?”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Joohyun opens her eyes, she’s disappointed with the fact that the ground didn’t swallow her whole yet.

 

Yerim strokes her arm, sending her an apologetic look before going out of the kitchen and leaving Joohyun and Seulgi alone.

 

The bartender takes a deep breath. “Seulgi,” she begins, apologetic and pleading.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The singer questions seriously, indignation hinting in her tone.

 

“I’m sorry, Seulgi.” was all Joohyun could say. Because she has no excuse and she’s not about to make up one on the spot. Seulgi doesn’t deserve a lie.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re going to visit Seungwan?”

 

“I - it wasn’t planned. She just called this morning and -”

 

“And you came running to her,” Seulgi finishes the sentence with bitterness. “Of course. As usual. Just as it always was, right?”

 

“Seulgi, that’s not it.”

 

Seulgi wants to punch or kick something, anything. She avoids Joohyun’s eyes because those eyes hold so much power on her. One look and she will be ready to drop everything. And Seulgi doesn’t want that. They need to talk about this now.

 

Seulgi takes a deep breath. Her knuckles turning white with how tight she’s gripping the end of her shirt. “So what did the two of you talk about?”

 

“I … she … uh, she asked if I had moved on from her and if I already have someone else.”

 

“And what did you say?”

 

Joohyun pauses, eyes blurring with tears. “I can’t hurt her, Seulgi.”

 

“So you would rather hurt me instead?” Seulgi’s voice is strained and fragile like she’s been punched in the gut.

 

“I don’t mean to,” Joohyun tries to reach out Seulgi’s hand but the younger girl flinches at her touch. “I promise I’m going to tell her, Seul. Just … just not now.”

 

 _If not now, then when? When you fall back in love with her?_  Seulgi wants to shout but Joohyun's afraid of loud noises and  _god_ , the last thing she wants is for Joohyun to be afraid of her.

 

But Seulgi couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. The singer turns away and faces a wall. Seulgi punches the wall as the tears stream down her face, angrily mumbling curses to herself.

 

“Seul, please,” Joohyun begs, trying to restrain her already crimson knuckles. “Baby, stop.”

 

But the younger girl doesn’t stop and it scares Joohyun to death as it’s the first time she has seen Seulgi like this. She keeps punching the walls until the knuckles of her right hand start to bleed. Joohyun calls for the others. Yongsun, Byulyi, and Yerim come in a hurry upon hearing her shout for help.

 

“Seulgi-yah!” Yongsun says in a high-pitched tone, surprise and panic mixing upon seeing the blood on the crying girl’s fist. Byul manages to get a hold of both of Seulgi’s arms and she doesn’t fight anymore. Instead, she slowly falls to the floor, hugging both of her knees like a child frightened of the dark.

 

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” She continues to sob on her legs. Whether she means it for Joohyun or Seungwan or herself or the entire universe, no one knows.

 

Yerim rubs Seulgi’s back. “Unnie,” she says softly.

 

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi murmurs at the youngest, knowing she might have scared her. Yerim hasn’t seen her like this before nor has she ever seen her shed a tear.

 

But Seulgi can’t hold it in anymore. The chains in her heart can no longer keep her emotions under control.

 

It’s scary but it’s necessary.

 

Joohyun kneels to level on Seulgi’s face. “I - I am sorry,” she says, quivering. “Seulgi -”

 

“I don’t need your sorry, Joohyun.” The girl says with a stern face.

 

_All my life is all about Seungwan this, Seungwan that. Her, her, her, her. My best friend that everybody easily loves. The perfect little angel who has everything and everyone wrapped around her fingers._

 

_I need to know why I always come second to her! Why do I always turn out to be an option and never the_ _first_ _choice?_

 

_I just want to be your first choice, Joohyun._

 

But Seulgi doesn’t voice out her thoughts.

 

And Joohyun stays kneeling, scared and apologetic and motionless in front of her girlfriend.

 

Yongsun breaks the tension between the two and decides to take Joohyun out of the bar. She gives a look to Byulyi and her partner understands and nods at her in response. Meanwhile, Yerim gets the medicine kit and a glass of water for Seulgi.

 

The bar is closed for business tonight.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yerim just finished icing Seulgi’s injured hand and is now cleaning and bandaging the said hand. Yerim watches the singer’s face for any sign of discomfort but her face remains expressionless. (The youngest mentally notes to herself to thank Sooyoung - her nurse ex-girlfriend - for forcing her into attending a seminar about basic first-aid back when they were in college.)

 

Byulyi comes back with a pain reliever and a glass of water in hand. “Drink,” the silver-haired girl says in a commanding tone. Seulgi does what she’s told. “How does your hand feel?”

 

“Unnie, the pain reliever is not a magical pill,” Yerim says. “It will take time to take effect.”

 

“I know that, midget,” Byulyi rolls her eyes. “Seul, do you want me to drive you to a hospital?”

 

Seulgi shakes her head. “I’m fine.”

 

Byulyi and Yerim share a knowing look.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Byulyi asks, careful not to cross a line that might trigger the younger girl to have another breakdown.

 

“I don’t know where to start,” Seulgi admits.

 

“Start anywhere you want. I just wish you wouldn’t keep it all in, unnie,” Yerim says quietly.

 

“I’m sorry I scared you all.”

 

“Everybody’s got a breaking point, Seulgi. It just happens that today is yours.” Byulyi lightly taps her friend’s shoulder. “So what’s up, Seul?”

 

Seulgi sighs. “It’s Seungwan. She is - _was_ \- honestly I’m not sure anymore but at some point, she’s my best friend. We grew up together. She’s … she’s everything I wanted to be.”

 

“Wait,” Byulyi holds up a hand. “Is this the same Seungwan that Joohyun-unnie dated? The girl who fell into a coma?”

 

Seulgi’s eyebrows furrow and Yerim glares at her unnie, wanting to bandage Byulyi’s mouth.

 

“How did you know?”

 

“Yongsun may have mentioned,” the cajon player gulps. “Anyway, continue.”

 

“Seungwan is awake for about a week now. She’s still in the hospital recovering.”

 

Byulyi is frozen, staring at the floor with wide eyes. Probably thinking what kind of drama is happening before her eyes and what role she’s playing in the said drama.

 

The youngest of the three sighs loudly. Then she takes Seulgi's uninjured hand and looks directly into her unnie’s eyes. “Joohyun-unnie loves you,” Yerim says with conviction.

 

“Yerim, it’s not that simple.”

 

“I didn’t say it is. But it’s what matters. Joohyun-unnie just needs to get herself together and stop being a coward that hides behind walls full of her life's guilt.” Yerim shrugs unapologetically. “I said what I said,” she adds.

 

“I’m tired of being second best to my own best friend,” Seulgi confesses sadly. It’s only a matter of seconds that her tears follow. “I just want to be the first choice for once.”

 

“Oh, unnie,” Yerim murmurs before enveloping Seulgi into a tight hug.

 

Knowing that there isn’t anything she can say that would make Seulgi feel instantly better, Byulyi just stands there. She runs a hand through Seulgi’s hair as she sobs into Yerim’s shoulder, silently hoping for some kind of miracle for her hurting friends.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Yongsun decides that she and Joohyun should take a long walk in the neighborhood. The cold breeze of the early night caresses both of their cheeks. Even if they are both clad in thick sweaters and at least two layers of clothing beneath it, both of them still feel a bit chilly.

 

“So … do you want to tell me what’s that all about?” The bar owner asks quietly as they walk.

 

“Seungwan,” is all Joohyun replies.

 

“Seungwan?” Yongsun’s eyes widen at the familiar name. A name she hadn’t heard a long time. “Y - your ex, Seungwan?”

 

Joohyun nods weakly.

 

“What about her? Isn’t she in a coma?”

 

“Seungwan is awake.”

 

“Oh,” Shock crosses Yongsun’s face, jaw dropping slightly. “Since when?”

 

“Since last week.”

 

Yongsun studies Joohyun’s face for a minute. The latter keeps her head down. “What happens now?”

 

Joohyun heaves a sigh. “I wish I know.”

 

“How do you feel about Seungwan now?”

 

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Yong. I think there’s a part of me that will always care about her.”

 

“Are you sure it’s not just out of guilt?”

 

“No ... I think ... I don't know,” Joohyun answers perplexedly. “Seungwan … Seungwan is special. She’s the first person I have been really in love with. She showed me a lot, taught me a lot, took me to places I’ve never been, made me feel things I’ve never felt before she came into my life. When Seungwan fell into a coma, I blamed myself for it. Because who else is there to blame? The bastard who run a car over her is dead. All that’s left are her parents mourning for their daughter who is half alive. Then there’s Tiffany who learned to hate me because I betrayed her sister.” Joohyun lets out a bitter laugh, remembering every word Tiffany had spat to her face through the years. “I accepted that. I understood. If I was her, I would hate me too.”

 

Yongsun wants to tell her it’s not her fault but Joohyun just shakes her head as if warning her to not say anything yet. So she doesn’t. She just keeps listening.

 

“You were there. You’ve seen my downfall. I graduated but I couldn’t even use my degree to find a decent job that suited me. I tried. _God,_ I tried so hard to get into the companies that I wanted to be in. At first, I thought I was doing it for myself, for my family but then I realized … I was just doing it because I promised Seungwan that I’d make her proud, that her girlfriend would choreograph famous artists and that my work will be known. But then … she’s gone - _but not really gone_ \- and I didn’t know who I was doing it for anymore.”

 

“And what about Seulgi?”

 

“I love her,” Joohyun says seriously. “I love her, Yong. I really do. She was there for me when my world was crumbling down, when I felt like the whole universe is against me being happy, when _I_ was against myself being happy. I confined myself in this place for a long, long time and seen nothing but darkness. Then Seulgi … well, she’s like a sunrise after an eon. Seulgi was there to show me that everything can be good and bright again. She’s the sun that chased away the dark stormy clouds hovering over my head. Seulgi was there - obtainable and beautiful and _alive_ \- and _god_ , I hated the years that I didn’t see her when she’s right there the whole time.”

 

Joohyun pauses to wipe her tears away.

 

“She deserves better than this. She deserves someone better than me.”

 

Yongsun sighs and runs a hand through her hair. Hurt and worry clouding her face. “Joo, this is complicated,” she states the obvious. “I - I … I really don’t know what to say, to be honest.”

 

“It’s fine,” Joohyun assures her. It’s enough for Joohyun that her best friend tries. “If the situation is reversed and it’s you on my place, I wouldn’t know what to say either.”

 

The bar owner places a hand on her shoulder, pulling her in for a side hug. She lays her head against Joohyun’s head. “Whatever you need, I’m always here for you,” Yongsun says.

 

It’s a promise. And Yongsun always means her promises. After all, she meant every promise to be there for Joohyun ever since they were just roommates in college.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“My girlfriend and I broke up last night,” Sooyoung says while carefully re-arranging_ _Seungwan’s_ _pillows and blankets. “She said it’s because I lack time for her, which is partially true. I love my work. She loves hers. But it’s not my fault I have day shifts and she works at night, right? I have to sleep and rest too.”_

 

_The nurse checks her chart before injecting a vial of antibiotic - that the doctor ordered for the patient’s hospital-acquired pneumonia - in the catheter. “I know it will hurt and burn for a while, I’m sorry.” Sooyoung apologizes sweetly to the unconscious patient. “And we’re done.”_

 

_Sooyoung throws the trash on the bin near the door then gathers her things i_ _n_ _a small container. She sits on the edge of the bed for a while after checking she has enough time before going to the next patient._

 

_“She’s a bartender, my ex-girlfriend. We met in college. She wanted to be a nurse too but her patience_ _ran_ _out when she can’t pass this one subject during our second year. I’m glad she didn’t pursue nursing though. Patience is a must and that girl,” Sooyoung shakes her head with a laugh. “She just does anything she wants at her own pace. When she wants something, she wants it now. She doesn't know how to wait.”_

 

_The nurse breathes out. “I guess she just doesn’t want and need me now. She and I became parallel lines and parallel lines don’t meet. But it’s okay. It’s good while it lasted.” Sooyoung chuckles, feeling a bit resentful._

 

_“I don’t even know why I’m saying this to you, Miss Son. I hope I’m not making you sad with my stories. I will come back with more joyful stories, I promise.” The nurse checks her watch and quickly picks up her things. “Goodbye, Miss Son. Thank you for always listening to me. Please wake up soon.”_

 

_Feeling the weight caged on her chest grow lighter, the nurse shuffles out of the room with a smile._

 


	6. Chapter 6

It has been three weeks since Seungwan’s physiotherapy session started and she’s getting so frustrated.

 

“I can’t do this,” Seungwan sighs in defeat, stopping on her second step as she tries to steady herself by gripping on the walker.

 

“You can do this,” Sooyoung tells her for the third time this hour. The nurse eyes the physical therapist asking for help in moving Seungwan back into her wheelchair. “Just take it easy, Seungwan.”

 

“I’m taking it easy! But it’s getting me nowhere!” The distressed girl yells angrily which made the nurse flinch. A few seconds later she adds, “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m just mad at myself and at my body.”

 

The nurse kneels to get on Seungwan’s eye level. “I know you’re really frustrated right now and you have every reason to be but you have to believe in yourself. Healing takes time and we will do it one step at a time, alright?”

 

When Seungwan didn’t answer, the nurse leans in a little closer to the patient’s face, giving her the brightest motivational smile she could. And as of a month ago, Seungwan is confirmed to be weak for the tall nurse’s smile.

 

“Okay,” Seungwan sighs but this time she smiles back at her.

 

Sooyoung reaches for her hand and gives it a squeeze. “Think you can try again?”

 

Seungwan nods. “Anyway, is she here yet?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Joohyun. She said she will come.”

 

Sooyoung tries to ignore the slight jealousy bubbling up in the pit of her stomach. _You just have an acidic stomach, Sooyoung. Don’t be stupid._

 

The nurse looks at the glass window and over to the waiting area where patient’s families and friends can stay during the session. But Sooyoung fails to see a familiar face except for Seungwan’s step-sister. The nurse waves and smiles when she meets TIffany's observant eyes.

 

“She’s not here yet,” the nurse informs her.

 

“Maybe she’s busy with her new job,” Seungwan shrugs. “She told me she works in a flower shop in the morning and works in a bar at night.”

 

“She’s a very hardworking woman.”

 

“She is. But I haven’t seen her in days so I miss her.”

 

“I’m sure Joohyun will be here. Maybe she just got stuck in traffic or something,” the nurse tries to console her. “Let’s try again, shall we?”

 

“Thank you for being patient with me, Joy.”

 

“I’m just doing my job,” Sooyoung lies. Rehabilitation is not part of her job but Sooyoung bribed Taeyeon with taking her night shifts for next month and the chief nurse easily gives in, much to her surprise. She doesn’t regret it though. Not when she gets Seungwan’s smile as her reward.

 

“Is making my day part of your job too?”

 

Sooyoung grins. “If I’m making a good job at it then yes, Miss Son Seungwan. I’ll gladly write that on my CV.”

 

Seungwan giggles before throwing her hand around Sooyoung’s shoulder. The nurse carefully guides her on the walker while mumbling motivational phrases on her ear. A proud smile appears on Sooyoung’s face when Seungwan steadily stands on her feet and manages three slow steps forward.

 

In all the years she worked as a nurse, Sooyoung has seen many patients recover and find their strength after an illness or an injury. She has seen many patients end up the opposite, too. Both are normal. The former made her happy and relieved while the latter made her sad and sometimes cry.

 

But with Seungwan? She can’t help but feel a combination of both. It’s confusing the hell out of her.

 

 _One step at a time_ , Sooyoung tells herself mentally. _One step at a time._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Joohyun exhales loudly after putting down a large red vase on the counter. She wipes the sweat forming on her forehead and sits down for a second.

 

“You okay there?” Nayeon, the owner of the flower shop, asks worriedly. With how pale and thin Joohyun is, Nayeon wonders if it comes naturally to her or she’s getting sick.

 

“I’m good,” Joohyun replies and gives her a thumbs up before getting up again and going back to work. She arranges the flowers on the counter just like Nayeon had taught her during her first day.

 

“When you’re done, join me and Jihyo for breakfast,” Nayeon tells her. “And no, you’re not going to refuse. You need to eat. You always come here so early. If I do those _employee_ _of the year_ shit, you’d be that. Even if you've only been here for three weeks.”

 

“I’m really fine, Nayeon-ssi.”

 

The shop owner rolls her eyes. “Unnie, just call me Nayeon, will you?”

 

“Then just call me Joohyun. You’re my boss after all.”

 

“Alright,” the younger girl agrees. “Breakfast when you’re done, Joohyun.” She points out at the table on the far back of the shop.

 

The flower shop opens at exactly 8AM. Joohyun gets to the shop an hour before to help Nayeon prepare and arrange items and prepare some bouquet deliveries that Jihyo and Mina will handle later in the day.

 

Joohyun is quite grateful that she found this part-time job. Nayeon lets her go before four in the afternoon to catch up on her other - _main_ \- job. Yongsun’s bar opens at 7PM giving her enough free time in between.

 

“Unnie, you’re spacing out again,” Jihyo says with a laugh. “Come on, we’re going to eat. You need that head of yours back in the game or else you might mistake this poinsettia right here as strawberries or watermelons.”

 

Joohyun chuckles. “I was just thinking, not daydreaming about food.”

 

“That’s the problem with you, unnie. You think too much.” Jihyo lets out a huff. “Get some breakfast first then we’ll open the store.”

 

The three of them enjoy breakfast together. Nayeon keeps talking with her mouth full and Jihyo has to practically cover their boss’ mouth to keep the food to herself and not spatter it on her and Joohyun's faces when she laughs out loud. Joohyun only watches the two from the other side of the table, wondering if they were ever really just friends considering how Jihyo looks at their boss - like she would go to the ends of the earth for Nayeon.

 

But that's a topic for another day.

 

Mina comes around a little later after they eat breakfast. She's the shy, prim and proper type. Unlike Jihyo whose voice can be heard even from outside the shop, Joohyun has to lean into her most of the time just so she would hear and understand what the younger girl is saying.

 

“Your phone is vibrating,” Mina says quietly, pointing at Joohyun's phone on the table. It's vibrating incessantly for about five minutes now.

 

Joohyun smiles and answers the call, “Hello?”

 

“ _Hey, it's me._ ”

 

“Hey, Wan.”

 

“ _Hi, Hyun. If you're still coming today, I'm back to my room. I just finished my therapy._ ”

 

“Oh,” Joohyun glances at her watch. “Right, I'm sorry. I got busy with work and I forgot.”

 

“ _It's alright. Just come by anytime you're free. I know you're busy._ ”

 

“Yeah … uh, how's the therapy?”

 

“ _It’s great. I lasted for thirty minutes and walked for maybe 20 steps?_ ”

 

“That's awesome news.”

 

“ _Yeah, Joy really helped me a lot._ ”

 

“That nurse of yours must really like you a lot.”

 

“ _She's the hospital nurse, silly. Not mine._ ”

 

“Whatever you say, Wan.”

 

“ _She's really kind but I wish she would rest. She's going to look like a tall panda soon if she keeps it up._ ”

 

“I'm going to tell her you said that.” Joohyun chuckles. Nayeon points out at her watch, indicating it's time to open the shop. “Hey, Wan. I really need to go now. I'll talk to you soon.”

 

“ _Okay. Have a good day! I miss you._ ”

 

Joohyun has a contrived smile before ending the call.

 

“Talking to your girlfriend again?” Jihyo asks with a teasing smile.

 

Joohyun shakes her head. “My girlfriend doesn't even want to talk to me,” she says in a longing tone. She tries to avoid the gazes of her co-workers and gives her full attention to the flowers around her as Seulgi's _f_ _lowers go to heaven,_ _unnie_ , echo in the back of her mind.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So … are you two talking now or …?”

 

Seulgi glares at Yerim for the third time. “Go away, demon.”

 

“Yah! I’m not some devil that you can just vanish with a rosary and a Latin prayer.”

 

“You think I don’t already know that?”

 

Yerim slouches against the wall near the bar counter. “Is Joohyun-unnie still staying with Yongsun-unnie?” Seulgi nods. “It’s been almost a month now, unnie. Don’t you miss her?”

 

“She drops by the apartment every day.”

 

“But you don’t talk to her.”

 

“I wasn’t there when she does.”

 

“And here? You two work together, breathe the same booze-filled air together. Why not talk to her?”

 

Yerim tries not to sound like a petulant child stuck with two divorced parents but the young girl just couldn’t help it. The awkward atmosphere has been going on for three weeks and she loathes it with every fiber of her being. She just wants to get back to serving drinks to strangers, joking behind the counter with Joohyun and teasing Seulgi with all her might. She still does everything but it doesn’t feel the same.

 

Seulgi ignores the tiny bartender and focuses on helping Byulyi set up the stage instead.

 

The girl sighs in exasperation and defeat. She gets back behind the counter and starts drying glasses.

 

 

 

Joohyun arrives an hour later, looking like she ran from Daegu and back. Tousled hair, pale lips, tired eyes. There’s an inflamed burn on her right hand which the newcomer tries hard to hide with her handkerchief.

 

“Did you join a marathon or something?” Yongsun asks, handing her a glass of water that's supposed to be for herself.

 

Joohyun sits down to catch her breath and accepts Yongsun's offer of a glass of water. “I thought I was gonna be late.”

 

“This isn’t school, Joo. I won’t send you to the principal’s office if you were.” The bar owner laughs. Then the girl gapes when she sees Joohyun’s hand burn. “Oh my god, what happened? Do you work as a firefighter now too?”

 

“Hush,” Joohyun waves her off, realizing that her boss’ exaggeration is getting attention from the others, especially Seulgi who’s looking concerned from the other end of the room. “It’s nothing.”

 

“It’s not nothing,” Yongsun insists. “There are blisters.”

 

“It’s just mild. It will be fine.”

 

“Yerim!” Yongsun calls the youngest and sends her a signal to bring the medicine kit. “Seriously, Joo, what happened?”

 

Joohyun sighs. “I was cooking chicken and it got burnt so I panicked and held the frying pan with my bare hand.”

 

“Joo, there’s a reason why we use pot holders. Why are you even cooking something you don’t eat?”

 

Joohyun doesn’t respond.

 

Yongsun leaves it to Yerim to apply the necessary treatment. “Did you soak this on water, unnie?” Joohyun nods. “Okay, good.”

 

Yerim picks up an antibiotic ointment but Joohyun stops her, “Aloe vera gel would be just fine, Yerm. It doesn’t hurt that much.”

 

Yerim squints her eyes at her unnie. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re a masochist.”

 

“Me too,” Joohyun whispers but the younger girl chooses to ignore that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Hey, you’re here again.” Joohyun greets her with a tired yet bright smile. She just finished cleaning up three tables and currently holding seven trays in one hand and a full trash bag on the other._

 

_Seulgi puts down her backpack on a table. “It’s kind of a habit now.”_

 

_“We both know you’re here for the chicken and ramen,” Joohyun says. “Wait here. I just need to throw this out.”_

 

_“Need help?”_

 

_“This is my job, Seulgi. I can handle this.” The older girl says, chuckling. She puts down the clean trays behind the counter of the restaurant then proceeds to throw the trash on the back._

 

_Seulgi’s eyes don’t leave the girl until she’s gone in the back. She can’t help but wonder why Joohyun, a dance major graduate and the second most talented person she knows next to her best friend, is working in this restaurant when she could be out there - dancing, choreographing, presenting her own art to the world. She believes Joohyun could make it big in the industry._

 

_Did_ _Seungwan’s_ _accident really_ _changed_ _her this much?_

 

_Seulgi still remembers how her eyes light up when she talks about her future plans which involve a lot of dancing and taking her family on trips. And yet she’s here - serving food to customers and cleaning up after people’s tables and trash. There were times that she gets shouted at by impatient customers or worse, objectified by pigs that other people call men._

 

_(One time, Seulgi unintentionally heard the older girl borrow a big amount of money from Yongsun to pay for Jisoo and Shuhua’s tuition fees.)_

 

_She wishes she could help Joohyun but Seulgi herself is struggling financially. With her father and older brother’s gambling addiction and her mother who seems to do nothing but tolerate everything, there are barely enough left of her college funds. And she still has two years of university left._

 

_While waiting for Joohyun to come back, Seulgi orders a plateful of fried chicken and two bowls of ramen. She sees Joohyun talk to her manager, probably asking for a short break, before taking off the apron._

 

_Joohyun sits on the opposite side. “So, what are you doing here late at night?”_

 

_Seulgi glances at her wristwatch. “It’s only_ _11PM._ _”_

 

_“Don’t you have a class tomorrow - wait - isn’t the choir competition tomorrow?”_

 

_“It is,” Seulgi nods. “But I can’t sleep because I’m too nervous.”_

 

_“You have a solo part, right?”_

 

_Seulgi nods. “I think it's supposed to be Wannie's but ...”_

 

_“Wan is much better at giving advice and making people feel better,” Joohyun forces a smile. “But I’m sure whatever happens tomorrow, Seungwan will be proud of you. You’re a good singer, Seulgi.”_

 

_“You think so?”_

 

_“I know so.”_

 

_Seulgi beams and pushes a bowl of ramen to Joohyun’s side. “Eat with me,_ _unnie_ _.”_

 

_“I - I can’t. It’s against the restaurant policy.”_

 

_“It’s against the restaurant policy for an employee to eat?”_

 

_“No. We can’t eat with the customers during work hours.”_

 

_“Aren’t you on a break?”_

 

_“A quick break.”_

 

_“How quick?”_

 

_“Fifteen minutes.”_

 

_“We still have twelve minutes, go!”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Seulgi gets to her - _their_ \- apartment a little after midnight.

 

She unlocks the door and finds the place dark and empty once again. It’s been dark and empty for weeks already and she should have gotten used to it now but she'a not. Seulgi throws her bag and guitar on the couch with a groan.

 

The singer turns on the light switch and surprise registers on her face. She moves to the kitchen and sees two large lunch boxes on the dining table that weren’t there when she left. She takes a peek at what's inside the containers and sees fried chickens - half of which are a little burnt - and a good serving of ramen. Seulgi’s gloomy expression is instantly replaced by a small smile.

 

She takes the note attached to the lunch box cover.

  
  


_I tried to be quick but I accidentally burned the first batch of fried chicken. I’m sorry._

_Just reheat them and eat well._

_There’s also watermelon smoothie on the refrigerator._

_Happy anniversary. I miss you._ ❤

_\- BJH_

  
  


For the first time in a while, the smile that appears on Seulgi's face is anything but forced.

 

 


End file.
